02-21-26

Happy aromantic awareness week!

I’ve never really participated in aromantic awareness week before—other than reposting other people’s posts—but this time I want to do more. So, I thought I would use this week to share a bit about my story! After all, it was thanks to other people sharing their experience that I discovered aromanticism.

I always knew I was different from other kids at a pretty young age. I would hear other kids in class having crushes on each other, not understanding the appeal. It was my perception that love was something only reserved for grown ups. After all, the only couples I knew were in my family and on teen drama shows. All those people were grown ups, so it only makes sense that romantic love is only experienced as adults. These silly crushes weren’t rooted in genuine feelings and I was the mature one for knowing better.

As I got bit older, I learned about celebrity crushes. My sister was obsessed with boy bands and would often get those tween magazines. She talked about how much she loved the members and her crushes on them. In those moments, I realized that I didn’t have those type of feelings either. Sure, I can see that some were pretty or handsome, but that was it. However, I started to learn that almost everyone had one and I started to feel a bit insecure. Wanting to fit in with my peers, I chose popular boy singer, Justin Bieber as my crush. He was cute I guess and I liked some of songs.

Growing up in the late 2000s and early 2010s, I spent a lot of time on the internet. There was a popular YouTuber who I had occasionally watched that uploaded a coming out video. I had been aware of the LGBTQ+ community, but I never really looked deeper into it. Then he came out as asexual. Watching someone explain feelings similar to mine and actually having a word for it was a surreal feeling. However, at the time I felt it wasn’t important to research it yet, so I swept these feelings under the rug.

It wasn’t until freshmen year of high school that I realized how weird it was to never have a crush before. While talking to new friends of mine, the conversation of middle school crushes came up. Everyone was going around talking about their old crushes and then it was my turn.

“Who did you like in middle school, Jen?”

“Oh, I’ve never had a crush before.”

“What? Really?”

The atmosphere changed instantly. Some tilted their head to the side, others had their eyes widened. All these different expressions aimed at me like I was the freak show. Oh. Did we all not care for romantic relationships? Those were genuine feelings? None of you were pretending to like that boy? Oh. Oh my god.

“Yeah…”

“So are you asexual?”

It was that word again. A word I hadn’t thought about in years.

“Um.. I don’t know.”

I think the bell rang after that. I put it off for as long as I could, but it was getting harder to ignore as I grew up.

In fact, during this time, I started writing a reflection on my self discovery in regards to my sexuality. I read online posts about asexuality and that’s when I came across aromanticism. A switch flipped. That was me. Someone who feels little to no romantic attraction. At that moment, I felt my world collapsed. To learn that I would never find that one person who will always put me first meant other people finding their partners and leaving me behind. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be alone. I tried to bury these feelings by focusing on my studies.

Then a few years later, I read the graphic novel Heartstopper. In the fandom, I discovered the writer, Alice Oseman, wrote another novel called Loveless. It’s a coming of age story about a college girl’s self discovery of her asexuality and aromanticism. I think it was the first time I encountered an aroace story before. Intrigued, I picked it up thinking perhaps I won’t relate. I was way off. Reading how she struggled to accept the fact that she was aroace broke me. I was so devastated because I knew the exact grief she was feeling. However, later she comes to realize the importance her platonic relationships and it made me realize it too. I reflected on the fact that I have a close family and I have a few friends who I cared deeply for. I don’t have to be alone.

Another story that also helped with my acceptance was the manga Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon. It showcased a relationship between two adult women who push on the boundary of what is considered a relationship. They both are asexual and I would say aromantic coded as well. It helped discover that different types of closeness exist.

Lastly, it was Jaiden Animation's video about being aroace. I related so much to her video and it made me feel less lonely about my identity. It was then where I finally decided to fully embrace my aromanticism and asexuality.

While I've never told anyone in my personal life about being aroace and I do struggle with the solitude sometimes, I am accepting of my identity. Confronting my family’s conservative view on sexuality and relationships is a battle I’m not prepared to face yet, but I think telling my story at least online is a good step towards it. I wrote this piece as more for me to reflect on my identity, but if this helped someone understand it a bit more or even discover a part of them, then that’s the best outcome I can hope for.